Monday, February 22, 2010

(hell)titude!

i've been keeping this to myself for approximately 6 months now - that i don't quite like that particular person's attitude! i know it's not good to h.a.t.e someone, but to be frank..the feeling somehow mcm menjadi2 lately *sigh*  sometimes, i feel like telling it straight to her face that she has no manners and lack of respect towards others!

nobody's perfect, and that definitely includes me..but hello???? have some respect & courtesy will u?

don't know if i can (still) tolerate such behaviour in the near future!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

waiting is about having patience...

went for the scheduled BETA blood test yesterday morning. had to wait for almost 3 hours just to take the test, and another 10+hours to get the result... which came in negative :(  

seriously...I somehow knew it's going to be negative because the doctor pun mention chances of me being pregnant 20-80 because of the blockage. But still, being a cry baby...I broke down (almost) immediately! Dont know why, but I was wayyy emotional this time *sigh*

got the call when we were outside, so there goes our dinner date! was so not in the mood to do anything or eat anything...so he decided to take a drive to i-city seksyen 7...saje bawak cry baby tgk lampu, hehe... (p/s: enjoyed looking at the lights though, cantekk...)

so once we got home, took a looooonnnggg warm shower..solat..and recite Surah Yassin - felt better after that although lembab jugaklah telekung (emo!!) 

I was just about to go to bed when he hug me and whispered "Its ok sayang, u still have your baby bessshaq  who loves u no matter what..."  that, I will remember the rest of my life...tq for the unconditional love & support dear! InsyaAllah, you'll be a daddy someday...love u loadss!




Thursday, February 11, 2010

setan bertopengkan manusia!!!!

it's so damn heartbreaking!!! especially when I am struggling like hell trying to conceive :( how can a human being do this? binatang pun sayangkan anak ok!!!!! even if you dont want the child, dont la ever do like that! the child is INNOCENT!!!!!!!! almost everday ada je kes buang baby! If the baby survives - fine! at least there'll be someone who will  take good care of the child! ni tak....takde hati perut langsung!

im sure every single person who reads the article menyumpah2 setan tu! 

poor baby, may u rest in peace sayang..Al-fatihah! 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fingers crossed!

About 2 weeks back, I've been diagnosed with PCOS. It's a condition where all my hormones are out of balance :(   thus, causing period problems and makes it difficult to get pregnant! Though there is no cure for it (at least for now)..it can be treated by controlling the symptoms to prevent long term problems such as diabetes, heart disease & infertility.



Besides few other medicines to control the symptoms, I am now on Clomid to stimulate ovulation. Just as women's body are so different from another, one's reaction to Clomid vary tremendously.Some women have virtually no side effects at all, while others have mood swings, hot flashes, breast tenderness, thinning of the uterus lining (which eventually prevents implantation or cause early miscarriage) as well as developing hostile fertile mucous which kills sperm...



So today, at 2p.m to be exact.. is THE day for the doctor to determine my body's reaction to Clomid. Sleepless nights? yeah, for the past few days I must say! But (I think) I'm fully prepared to expect the worst.



InsyaAllah...everything will be just fine Wan Intan Idura!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

twenty-ten!


it's been quite sometime since my last blog entry, will try to find time to update ok? in the meantime, hope it's not too late to wish u a very happy new year!!!!! may 2010 be a better year for us all, InsyaAllah :)

what's your new year resolution? i have a few, lemme see...

1. to sacrifice my monthly 'shopping allocation' for our new crib
2. God willing..to be pregnant and/or adopt baby
3. to watch my eating habits & (try) to lose weight
4. to go for morning/evening walk every weekend
5. to be a better person in & out 
6. to achieve all of the above

wish me luck!!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

fun day-out with my girls!

Finally, I managed to blog about my spa outing with the girls..

To begin with, the idea pasal spa outing ni was brought about by Ms.Rosy masa dia comment status Tek yang tension with work kat FB. It took us quite sometime to agree on the date because ada yang nak kena attend court, rescedule meeting & court dates, and the list goes on! Bla dah agree on the date, Ms. Rosy pulak unable to join us sebab she has fully utilized her annual leave & mc..nak buat weekend memang susah lah for those yang dah ade anak kan :p xpelah, perhaps the next one Ms. Rosy boleh join :)


Finally, we (Tek, Reeva, Radh, Nad, lil sis and her friend Nani & me) agreed to meet up on Wednesday, 25th November 2009 @ 1230pm. On the day of which im supposed to unwind myself, macam2 lah came up. Tension betul..dh apply for leave to have fun and relax with the girls kena masuk office plak. tak ke tension?? If kejap ok la, ni almost 11.30am baru kluar ofis. So I end up speeding sebab nak pick up my lil' sis kat Shah Alam dulu before heading to Damansara to catch our spa appointment at 12.30 pm. Obviously, we were late! nak dekat 1.30pm baru start our session. and because of that the girls spa appointment pun delayed by almost an hour! so sorry girls (blame my boss for that last minute arrangement).. paling kesian kat Reeva la coz tak bleh stay lama and join our gossiping session :) punya la frust makcik tu, hehe..

The spa outing was one memorable outing for me in which I will remember for the rest of my life! firstly - this is the first spa outing with my friends, secondly - it was also my first time makan kat Marche and most importantly, this is the first time I 'burnt' myself in public sebab asyik sangat ambik gambar the girls..aihh, clumsy me!!! wat malu jer..aihhh!

Nak jadikan crita, I was so bz ambik gambar sampai tak prasan ada candle kat blakang..padahal obvious giler la kan kat spa mestila ada candle as deco, pffttt!!! sedar2 je rasa panas sgt at the back followed by bau terbakar! then ape lagi, panik la! luckily Nad was quick, it could have been worst coz api agak besar.. my baju memang g.o.n.e! plus ada kot segenggam rambut terbakar, huhuhuhuhu... but nasib baik my hair layered, so takde la obvious sgt :p thank God i was wearing singlet underneath my blouse that day..kalau tak memang pening nak pikir nak pakai ape. If I pakai size 'S' takpe lah, senang nak mintak tolong one of the girls turun belikan baju kat Curve..tgh2 panic tu teringat my shawl dalam kereta, so I end up covering myself with shawl that evening..apart from the fact that everyone was stunned tak tau nak wat ape, somehow I rasa kelakar giler that time...


after the "incident", we all went straight to Secret Recipe to pick up Tek's birthday cake, thereafter pegi Marche. It was our first time makan kat Marche (except for Reeva). sambil makan, ape lagi..gossip time lah! then tiba2 Reeva ckp comething like this "ok girls I have to go, and btw Tek..happy birthday" :p after that memang Tek tau lah ada suprise for her, hehehe...takpelah Reeva..cant blame u,kitaorg pun lupa nk bgtau it was supposed to be a suprise :)


lama jugak we all lepak kat Marche..had teh tarik after that. I think most of you would agree with me that teh tarik if minum panas2 baru ummphh! but my friend Tek ada her own way to enjoy her cup of teh tarik..kena check tempreture dulu tu..slagi tak sejuk tak minum :) puas we all kutuk dia that day, hehe..but it's ok yang, though we all kutuk u, we all tetap sayang u :)

sembang punya sembang..almost 7p.m baru we all gerak balik. ikutkan hati memang we memang tak nak balik lagi tu :)  pape pun, despite dah terasa sakit melecur time tu, it was a fun day out!!!!!!! tak puas......cant wait for our next spa session - tentatively would be in January, yeayyy!!!!!!!!
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Friday, December 18, 2009

it's all about rezki, is that so difficult to understand?

i am feeling very2 down today..reason? a friend of mine mentioned something that actually makes me kinda sad and inferior, huhuhu...not that she does it intentionally, but..hmmm... lemme get this straight - I have no issue discussing or talking about me having some difficulties in getting pregnant. But I guess no matter how close you are with someone, never ever makes fun of him/her when you know how sensitive that person is when it comes to certain matter. in my case, it's all about b.a.b.y!

it is not my intention to question what are His plans for me and my family, but I just get it.. why it is so easy for some people (who are not ready) to get pregnant..be it married couple yang by 'accident' got pregnant or those who simply abandon their baby(ies) after carrying them for 9 months :(  we on the hand, have been trying for the past 2 years & 5 months! still blom ade rezki, nak buat macamana!

it is not easy I must say. not easy to get pregnant and not easy to deal with people around you. there are times when I would feel very2 lonely despite having him around..being me yang cengeng, nangis la apa lagi (isk!). Although he supports me, gave me the strength I need, and always there whenever I need him, I just think that only those in my shoe would be the only one that would understand how I really feel deep down..

hmm, nasib baik la my 'emo nak baby' ni seasonal, if every month I think he would have left by now, hehe.. there are many instances yang boleh trigger the 'attack',  but the most difficult part in dealing with this issue is bila balik kampung.. (esp. those makcik2) would be asking the same question over & over again! and they keep on asking me, why am I not pregnant yet! hello??????? it's in God's hand lah, how am I supposed to know..

and so, I've been thinking about this option for quite sometime, because I hate feeling lonely (esp when he's outstation for days)! I want to come back from work and play with my baby..though now I get to play with my nephew almost everyday, the feeling not the same. bcoz no matter what - he is still my nephew. I want my own...we had a long talk about this option. We agreed to wait until 3 years before we adopt. I've checked the website, but I think it would take ages before our turn comes..so if any of you out there knows anyone yang willing to give up their baby due to poverty ke ape, please lemme know ok? tak kisah la if its in the near future because if dah rezki awal and keadaan mengizinkan insyaAllah we would adopt the child.. who knows, maybe I'd get pregnant after that :)

but for now, I am trying very2 hard to be strong and face this test by Him. I know He knows that I really really really really want to have my own child(ren)..and I truly hope I would be given the chance one fine day, Amin!!!

Ok enough about me wanting to have babies :) today is my lil sis's 29th birthday...i'm happy to see her happy :) I'd say this year's celebration is a special one for her since she gets to celebrate it with her lil munchkin..Happy 29th birthday Sha, I heart U!