i am feeling very2 down today..reason? a friend of mine mentioned something that actually makes me kinda sad and inferior, huhuhu...not that she does it intentionally, but..hmmm... lemme get this straight - I have no issue discussing or talking about me having some difficulties in getting pregnant. But I guess no matter how close you are with someone, never ever makes fun of him/her when you know how sensitive that person is when it comes to certain matter. in my case, it's all about b.a.b.y!
it is not my intention to question what are His plans for me and my family, but I just get it.. why it is so easy for some people (who are not ready) to get pregnant..be it married couple yang by 'accident' got pregnant or those who simply abandon their baby(ies) after carrying them for 9 months :( we on the hand, have been trying for the past 2 years & 5 months! still blom ade rezki, nak buat macamana!
it is not easy I must say. not easy to get pregnant and not easy to deal with people around you. there are times when I would feel very2 lonely despite having him around..being me yang cengeng, nangis la apa lagi (isk!). Although he supports me, gave me the strength I need, and always there whenever I need him, I just think that only those in my shoe would be the only one that would understand how I really feel deep down..
hmm, nasib baik la my 'emo nak baby' ni seasonal, if every month I think he would have left by now, hehe.. there are many instances yang boleh trigger the 'attack', but the most difficult part in dealing with this issue is bila balik kampung.. (esp. those makcik2) would be asking the same question over & over again! and they keep on asking me, why am I not pregnant yet! hello??????? it's in God's hand lah, how am I supposed to know..
and so, I've been thinking about this option for quite sometime, because I hate feeling lonely (esp when he's outstation for days)! I want to come back from work and play with my baby..though now I get to play with my nephew almost everyday, the feeling not the same. bcoz no matter what - he is still my nephew. I want my own...we had a long talk about this option. We agreed to wait until 3 years before we adopt. I've checked the website, but I think it would take ages before our turn comes..so if any of you out there knows anyone yang willing to give up their baby due to poverty ke ape, please lemme know ok? tak kisah la if its in the near future because if dah rezki awal and keadaan mengizinkan insyaAllah we would adopt the child.. who knows, maybe I'd get pregnant after that :)
but for now, I am trying very2 hard to be strong and face this test by Him. I know He knows that I really really really really want to have my own child(ren)..and I truly hope I would be given the chance one fine day, Amin!!!
Ok enough about me wanting to have babies :) today is my lil sis's 29th birthday...i'm happy to see her happy :) I'd say this year's celebration is a special one for her since she gets to celebrate it with her lil munchkin..Happy 29th birthday Sha, I heart U!
2 comments:
Auwww... I'm sorry to hear that. Insya Allah, if Tuhan nak kasi rezki kat kita nnt, adalah. Easy for me to say, but I believe Allah has a bigger plan for both of u :) Yang penting, your room mate faham jiwa.
hi there. :) reeva gve me ur link. well, after i read this post, i was like, eemmm..i cant say that i know how u feel but i can say that i think i understand. soo sorry. well yeah..rezeki di tangan tuhan. some ppl are just plain lucky n some r not. :)
okie. tak mau bebel pjg2, nways, if u r really2 serious in adopting a newborn baby, i'll gve u the contact number of a person that can help u. tak la 100% confirm u akan dpt, but at least we try kan.
actually its not easy for me to gve her contact number but since, i know reeva n reeva is a good friend of urs n after reading ur post, i know i can trust u. eh no no no. am not judging u ke ape ke, lagipun who am i to judge u kan. cume.. u know lah. tanak lah gve the baby dkt org yg salah kan. think u get what i mean. if u r interested, email me at tengkurinanda/gmail
:)
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